Partick Thistle Open Day 2019

I attended this year’s Partick Thistle Open Day, which took place on Saturday. (Thistle lost 2-1 at home to Dundee United the previous evening, with Lawrence Shankland surprisingly only scoring one of United’s goals; I had originally been planning to go to the game too.) I arrived in Glasgow early on Saturday morning, and after freshening-up and getting breakfast at Greggs, decided to walk to Firhill from Glasgow city centre. I had to wait to cross Cowcaddens Road until an Orange marching band and their police escort had gone past, but I still ended up arriving at Firhill slightly early.

Last year I couldn’t go because I was in hospital and the previous year I couldn’t go because until last year the Open Day was only open to season ticket holders. The Partick Thistle Open Day takes place on the pitch – which looked immaculate, especially remarkable considering there’d been a match on it the previous evening – and in and around the Jackie Husband Stand. From high up in the JHS I took several photos. I’m still finding my way round my new tablet and still don’t know how everything on it works (including the camera at the front which is for selfies – my tablet has two cameras) and at one point I accidentally ended up making a video of my feet, my bag and the floor of the Jackie Husband Stand. Anyhoo, here are the aforementioned photos:

Unfortunately the photo I tried to take of the John Lambie Stand (formerly the Northy) didn’t come out. Despite the forecasts for heavy rain and thunderstorms, it was actually quite nice weather. I watched the open training session which took place on the pitch; this training session involved the first team, women’s team, players from the PTFC Charitable Trust and, of course, Kingsley. During the training session, Thistle’s iconic mascot came into the stand to take selfies with people – including me (however, I can’t post the selfie Kingsley took with me  – or a link to it – on this blog, as I wasn’t lucky enough to have Kingsley’s people post the selfie on social media). The training session ended with an epic penalty shootout, including Scott Fox saving Jamie Sneddon’s penalty.

There was also a signing session where I met most of the first team, most of the women’s team and Gary Caldwell. The Open Day ended with three events which all took place in the Alan Rough Lounge. I was none the wiser about recent Thistle goings-on after the PTFC Trust meering. Gary Caldwell, who is a very nice guy, addressed the subjects of Busgate and needing more players in the Q&A as well as being very honest about whether or not there are any natural leaders in the current Jags squad. The Q&A with the board got a bit heated, and it was somewhat disappointing that the chairman was unable to attend (he was on holiday). I got a distinct feeling that the board are being a wee bit naive about the potential new investment from Barnsley’s owners, as Barnsley haven’t really progressed under their ownership. (Indeed, I note that some people are even tipping the Tykes for another relegation after selling several of their star players – such as Liam Lindsay whom Thistle got a sell-on windfall for – this summer.)

I came away from the Open Day with lots of autographs, a Thistle shirt (the current third kit, for a bargain £5 – I nearly bought some home kit socks too but they didn’t have any in my size), lots of memories and a rounded understanding of Busgate. I’m hoping to go to the game against Ayr United later this month, and of course I’m hoping to go to Ayr’s Jags icon Kris Doooooolan’s testimonial on September 15th. Dools’ testimonial will pit a Thistle Legends team against a Celtic Legends team. Those announced so far for the Thistle Legends squad include Scott Fox and Stuart Bannigan (both of whom I of course met at the Open Day), Dools himself, Squiddy, Chic Charnley, David Rowson, Conrad Balatoni, Liam Lindsay, Archie, Shaggy, Gerry Britton and Kenny Arthur. There are only one or two players left to announce for the Thistle Legends team and I would imagine one of these players will probably be Christie Elliott. The other will probably be either Freddie Frans, Sean Welsh, Ryan Edwards or Dools’ current boss – and the manager who signed him for Thistle – Ian McCall.

(Incidentally, the forecast rain started later, when I was in the middle of Sauchiehall Street, but I managed to get indoors before it got heavy.)

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Update on “appropriately-named things” post

Following my recent post about appropriately-named things, something happened this weekend involving possibly the most appropriate name ever. I was at Victoria Station yesterday morning when I learnt about this.

Anyhoo, over the weekend – due to not being anywhere near a television / radio plus the battery on my pocket wi-fi router being empty and not having my USB charger with me – I’d managed to not hear any non-Partick Thistle-related news whatsoever (despite having been in Glasgow I’d even managed to not hear Celtic’s result). I looked at the big screen, next to the departure board, that had the news headlines on it. The big screen informed me that Jeffrey Epstein had died (Epstein’s orange pal has subsequently denied being his pal despite film footage of them together, and Epstein’s other pal has subsequently scooted up to Balmoral), before informing me that UKIP had held yet another leadership election – and that the vermin had chosen a leader with a spectacularly appropriate name. After having been led by such renowned dickbrains as Nigel Garbage, Paul Nuttall, Henry Bolton and Gerard Batten (and after Fartage’s Brexit Party had announced parliamentary candidates called Butt, Rimmer and Alaric Bamping), UKIP have finally elected a leader who’s actually called Richard Braine. Dickbrains.

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Going to Partick Thistle Open Day – UPDATED

Before I start, I would like to announce that this is the first blog post I am writing on the new tablet I bought a few weeks ago.
I am planning to go to Thistle’s Open Day on Saturday – unfortunately, I won’t be in Glasgow in time for our game against Dundee United tomorrow evening – which will be interesting considering all the rumours, conjecture and things that have actually happened swirling round Firhill lately. I obviously plan to attend the Q&As with Gary Caldwell and the board, but on a lighter note I am looking forward to meeting so many people, including – if he’s there – Mascot World Cup finalist Kingsley.

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Appropriately-named things – UPDATED

In this post, I am looking at things that are / were appropriately named. And I start with:

BORIS JOHNSON & JEREMY C**T: Self-explanatory, really. I didn’t watch the Tory leadership debate on BBC1 (though I did see a bit of the Channel 4 debate which the paffle-spouting bawbag didn’t bother turning up for) but I understand that in at least one of these debates the F-word was mentioned by all the vermin, in the sentence “I would not rule out involving Nigel F****e in Brexit negotiations”.

BIRDS EYE LOVELY: These frozen chocolate puddings were a big favourite of mine when I was a wee girl. Advertised in print as “a smooth, rich chocolate dessert with a real cream topping” (I don’t remember them ever being advertised on television), they had a few blobs of cream piped on the centre of each one in a flower shape. I recall there were two or three varieties, including a chocolate orange flavour. If they ever bring Lovely back, I’d love them to do a vegan version.

TENNYS SANDGREN:  American bloke who plays tennis. Knocked out of Wimbledon 2019 men’s singles in fourth round by Sam Querrey .

KEPA ARRIZABALAGA: Bloke who is a goalkeeper for Chelsea and Spain.

ARSENE WENGER: Legendary former Arsenal manager whom Piers Organ frequently moaned about.

And last night while watching TOTP 1987 Big Hits on BBC4, I remembered another one:

MIGUEL (MIGI) DRUMMOND: Curiosity Killed The Cat’s drummer. I’ve still got my tape of Curiosity’s first album, even though my current stereo doesn’t play tapes – only CDs, MP3s and radio (tuned into Radio 4).

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Worst wildlife documentary EVER

I have been informed that on ITV / STV / what used to be HTV / UTV – on which Anglia TV’s amazing Survival programmes used to be shown – tonight there is a wildlife documentary on which a Bottom-Feeding Shit Sucker (Moronius egotisticus) burrows its way all the way up the rectum of a Toupeed Orange Racist (Trumpius goldenshowerus). And the same Bottom-Feeding Shit Sucker will be on BBC1 later tonight, when he appears on Question Time – on which the poisonous plants in the audience will cheer his every utterance.

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TV preview for June 5th

And so we come to the final day of Trump’s state visit. And here’s a preview of what will be on television.

MILKSHAKE!: Educational entertainment for the under-fives. Characters such as Captain Garbage and So-Called “Tommy” have milkshake thrown at them, before the Trumpalump – a scary orange monster – has a urine milkshake thrown at him.

FILM – MR. GARFIELD GOES TO WASHINGTON: Live-action movie based on the popular cartoon. Garfield visits Washington DC and gets mistaken for Donald Trump, despite being smaller and better-looking.

WIGWATCH – A SPRINGWATCH SPECIAL: Springwatch’s “wigcam” provides footage of animals nibbling on Trump’s wig during his state visit.

IT’LL BE ALL FAR-RIGHT ON THE NIGHT: Bloopers and cock-ups. Featuring the moment when Trump’s wig bit Richard Whiteley, the eagle pecking at the 45th POTUS’s toupee and the famous clip in which an absolute Dickie of a property tycoon said “cup soccer” instead of “cop sucker” during a speech at Trump Tower.

THE TWO DONNIES: Starring Donald Trump and Donald Trump Jnr. Including monologues that are nowhere near as much fun as the brilliant ones delivered by Ronnies Barker and Corbett.

THE THREE BAWBAGS: Together on the same stage for the first time ever, it’s Donald Trump, Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage! Cringe as the gruesome threesome witter on about what great guys they are to an audience of adoring Question Time plants!

So that is what is on British television during the Trumps’ state visit. (I still don’t get why Donald Jnr, Eric, Ivanka, their spouses and the cast of thousands are there.)

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TV preview for June 4th

On June 4th, the second day of Britain being enveloped in a cloud of orange bawbaggery, there will be programmes on British television. A preview of these programmes follows:

TRUMPTON: After the success of Judd Trump’s exhibition match against Barney McGrew at Trumpton’s 147 Snooker Club, Trumpton Golf Club invite Donald Trump to a charity event. The President causes chaos, making a strange, cryptic speech which upsets Mrs Honeyman’s baby – and the event ends in the enactment of the entire lyrics of a certain Half Man Half Biscuit classic.

FOX & FRIENDS: Hard-hitting political programme for the under-fives. Fearless political interviewer Basil Brush grills Mr Donald, who responds to Basil’s probing by repeatedly spouting “This is FAKE NEWS!”, “Walls work!”, “WHEN AM I APPEARING ON FOX & FRIENDS?”I WANT PISS!” and the bizarre, cryptic outburst “PISS WOODEN ASK THESE QUESTIONS! PISS WOODEN!“.

THE PLANK II: Sequel to Eric Sykes’ classic semi-silent comedy film. Lord Chief Justice James Edwards (Jimmy Edwards) orders security guards Eric Sykes and Tommy Cooper to borrow Extinction Rebellion’s glue to stick Donald Trump’s arse to a plank and carry President and plank across London while making sure that during transportation Trump doesn’t touch any women, fire anybody, give interviews to Piers Morgan, try to make any speeches or attempt to build any border walls.

DON’S HOUSE PARTY: A programme even more grim than Noel’s House Party, the Late Late Breakfast Show, that other awful programme (you know, the one that was just like Noel’s House Party except it wasn’t live, there was no Blobby and every week they’d pretend the studio was the Australian outback or Mars or Ancient Rome) and that Radio 1 show that Noel Edmonds did on Sunday mornings when I was a wee girl (it was like a cross between Noel’s House Party and the Late Late Breakfast Show, but at least it was on radio so you didn’t have to look at it.) Join Donald Trump and his gruesome buddy Mr Faragey in the Trump Great House in Orangey Bottom as the Commander-In-Chief fires his staff, plays hidden-camera pranks on Bernie Sanders, grabs 1000 dollars and gets squirted with pish in the Trump Great House’s urine tanks.

THE ORANGE & WHITE MINSTREL SHOW: Another grim spectacle. Archaic racism as the Orange & White Minstrels strut around in their orangeface make-up in the creepy manner of both the 45th POTUS and the Black & White Minstrels. (Fact: when the Black & White Minstrel Show was made and broadcast in black & white, the “black” make-up was actually red so they’ll have looked not dissimilar to Donny Dolt.)

QUESTION TIME: Hosted by Donald Trump and Nigel Farage, with a panel of Ann Widdecombe, Gimli, Esther McVile and Michael Gove. Oh, and Fiona Bruce. And a busload of poisonous plants.

Back soon with a preview of June 5th’s TV.

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