Jags-related poems for National Poetry Day


Ghost goal


It crossed the line though



Ryan Edwards

Bouncing angel

Bouncy bouncy bouncy



Greatest day in sporting history

We won

Four – one.




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Boris Johnson is the scum of the earth

The image below was made by me for a competition currently being run by Led By Donkeys (you know, those guys who do brilliant billboard posters exposing the scummiest politicians for what they are).

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Partick Thistle Open Day 2019

I attended this year’s Partick Thistle Open Day, which took place on Saturday. (Thistle lost 2-1 at home to Dundee United the previous evening, with Lawrence Shankland surprisingly only scoring one of United’s goals; I had originally been planning to go to the game too, but when I tried to book a hotel room via the hotel chain’s website, it wouldn’t let me reserve a room then pay by cash on arrival – which the website had already said I could.) I arrived in Glasgow early on Saturday morning, and after freshening-up and getting breakfast at Greggs, decided to walk to Firhill from Glasgow city centre. I had to wait to cross Cowcaddens Road until an Orange marching band and their police escort had gone past, but I still ended up arriving at Firhill slightly early.

Last year I couldn’t go because I was in hospital and the previous year I couldn’t go because until last year the Open Day was only actually open to season ticket holders. The Partick Thistle Open Day takes place on the pitch – which looked immaculate, especially remarkable considering there’d been a match on it the previous evening – and in and around the Jackie Husband Stand. From high up in the JHS I took several photos. I’m still finding my way round my new tablet and still don’t know how everything on it works (including the camera at the back which is for selfies – my tablet has two cameras) and at one point I accidentally ended up making a video of my feet, my bag and the floor of the Jackie Husband Stand. Anyhoo, here are the aforementioned photos:

Unfortunately the photo I tried to take of the John Lambie Stand (formerly the Northy) didn’t come out. Despite the forecasts for heavy rain and thunderstorms, it was actually quite nice weather. I watched the open training session which took place on the pitch; this training session involved the first team, women’s team, players from the PTFC Charitable Trust, Thistle’s mental health and wellbeing works team and, of course, Kingsley. During the training session, Thistle’s iconic mascot came into the stand to take selfies with people – including me (however, I can’t post the selfie Kingsley took with me  – or a link to it – on this blog, as I wasn’t lucky enough to have Kingsley’s people post the selfie on social media). The training session ended with an epic penalty shootout involving players from all the aforementioned teams; highlights of the shootout included Scott Fox saving Jamie Sneddon’s penalty.

There was also a signing session where I met most of the first team, most of the women’s team and Gary Caldwell. The Open Day ended with three events which all took place in the Alan Rough Lounge. I was none the wiser about recent Thistle goings-on after the PTFC Trust meering. Gary Caldwell, who is a very nice guy, addressed the subjects of Busgate and needing more players in the Q&A as well as being very honest about whether or not there are any natural leaders in the current Jags squad. The Q&A with the board got a bit heated, and it was somewhat disappointing that the chairman was unable to attend (he was on holiday). I got a distinct feeling that the board are being a wee bit naive about the potential new investment from Barnsley’s owners, as Barnsley haven’t really progressed under their ownership. (Indeed, I note that some people are even tipping the Tykes for another relegation after selling several of their star players – such as Liam Lindsay whom Thistle got a sell-on windfall for – this summer.)

I came away from the Open Day with lots of autographs, a Thistle shirt (the current third kit, for a bargain £5 – I nearly bought some home kit socks too but they didn’t have any in my size), lots of memories and a rounded understanding of Busgate. I’m hoping to go to the game against Ayr United later this month, and of course I’m hoping to go to Ayr’s Jags icon Kris Doooooolan’s testimonial on September 15th. Dools’ testimonial will pit a Thistle Legends team against a Celtic Legends team. Those announced so far for the Thistle Legends squad include Scott Fox and Stuart Bannigan (both of whom I of course met at the Open Day), Dools himself, Squiddy, Chic Charnley, David Rowson, Conrad Balatoni, Liam Lindsay, Archie, Shaggy, Gerry Britton and Kenny Arthur. There are only one or two players left to announce for the Thistle Legends team and I would imagine one of these players will probably be Christie Elliott. The other will probably be either Freddie Frans, Sean Welsh, Ryan Edwards or Dools’ current boss – and the manager who signed him for Thistle – Ian McCall.

(Incidentally, the forecast rain started later, when I was in the middle of Sauchiehall Street, but I managed to get indoors before it got heavy.)

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Update on “appropriately-named things” post

Following my recent post about appropriately-named things, something happened this weekend involving possibly the most appropriate name ever. I was at Victoria Station yesterday morning when I learnt about this.

Anyhoo, over the weekend – due to not being anywhere near a television / radio plus the battery on my pocket wi-fi router being empty and not having my USB charger with me – I’d managed to not hear any non-Partick Thistle-related news whatsoever (despite having been in Glasgow I’d even managed to not hear Celtic’s result). I looked at the big screen, next to the departure board, that had the news headlines on it. The big screen informed me that Jeffrey Epstein had died (Epstein’s orange pal has subsequently denied being his pal despite film footage of them together, and Epstein’s other pal has subsequently scooted up to Balmoral), before informing me that UKIP had held yet another leadership election – and that the vermin had chosen a leader with a spectacularly appropriate name. After having been led by such renowned dickbrains as Nigel Garbage, Paul Nuttall, Henry Bolton and Gerard Batten (and after Fartage’s Brexit Party had announced parliamentary candidates called Butt, Rimmer and Alaric Bamping), UKIP have finally elected a leader who’s actually called Richard Braine. Dickbrains.

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Going to Partick Thistle Open Day – UPDATED

Before I start, I would like to announce that this is the first blog post I am writing on the new tablet I bought a few weeks ago.
I am planning to go to Thistle’s Open Day on Saturday – unfortunately, I won’t be in Glasgow in time for our game against Dundee United tomorrow evening – which will be interesting considering all the rumours, conjecture and things that have actually happened swirling round Firhill lately. I obviously plan to attend the Q&As with Gary Caldwell and the board, but on a lighter note I am looking forward to meeting so many people, including – if he’s there – Mascot World Cup finalist Kingsley.

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Appropriately-named things – UPDATED

In this post, I am looking at things that are / were appropriately named. And I start with:

BORIS JOHNSON & JEREMY C**T: Self-explanatory, really. I didn’t watch the Tory leadership debate on BBC1 (though I did see a bit of the Channel 4 debate which the paffle-spouting bawbag didn’t bother turning up for) but I understand that in at least one of these debates the F-word was mentioned by all the vermin, in the sentence “I would not rule out involving Nigel F****e in Brexit negotiations”.

BIRDS EYE LOVELY: These frozen chocolate puddings were a big favourite of mine when I was a wee girl. Advertised in print as “a smooth, rich chocolate dessert with a real cream topping” (I don’t remember them ever being advertised on television), they had a few blobs of cream piped on the centre of each one in a flower shape. I recall there were two or three varieties, including a chocolate orange flavour. If they ever bring Lovely back, I’d love them to do a vegan version.

TENNYS SANDGREN:  American bloke who plays tennis. Knocked out of Wimbledon 2019 men’s singles in fourth round by Sam Querrey.

KEPA ARRIZABALAGA: Bloke who is a goalkeeper for Chelsea and Spain.

ARSENE WENGER: Legendary former Arsenal manager whom Piers Organ frequently moaned about.

And last night while watching TOTP 1987 Big Hits on BBC4, I remembered another one:

MIGUEL (MIGI) DRUMMOND: Curiosity Killed The Cat’s drummer. I’ve still got my tape of Curiosity’s first album, even though my current stereo doesn’t play tapes – only CDs, MP3s and radio (tuned into Radio 4).

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Worst wildlife documentary EVER

I have been informed that on ITV / STV / what used to be HTV / UTV – on which Anglia TV’s amazing Survival programmes used to be shown – tonight there is a wildlife documentary on which a Bottom-Feeding Shit Sucker (Moronius egotisticus) burrows its way all the way up the rectum of a Toupeed Orange Racist (Trumpius goldenshowerus). And the same Bottom-Feeding Shit Sucker will be on BBC1 later tonight, when he appears on Question Time – on which the poisonous plants in the audience will cheer his every utterance.

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