My next-door neighbour is paranoid. He is convinced I bang my head on his wall late at night (he’s made noise complaints to the council about this on several occasions – it’s funny how all this has happened since I told people that I intend to move house – and the council, who’ve put sound recording equipment in my flat, claimed last year that their equipment recorded me threatening somebody). When the batteries in my smoke alarm went the other week, paranoid lad next door was shouting at his mates a few days later about me setting the fire alarm off (somebody’d called the police about it at the time). And last night his mates were banging on my window and shouting about me having banged on next door’s wall. (I ignored them.) The council are convinced that before the noise complaints I was "quite good friends" with him (I’ve hardly spoken to the guy) and they think the reason that I want to move house is because of him (it isn’t). Why are there so many silly people in the world?