I’m in the process of enquiring about TWO lovely flats in the private letting sector, both in my price range, which I found in the South London Press. If I’ve moved by July – which looks likely as long as Idiot Housing Officer Woman doesn’t concoct any more stories about the fictional close relationship with the paranoid young man next door that she’s tried to convince me I once had (both IHOW and the youth next door wrongly think the reason I want to move away is because of the chap next door) – I want to have a go at the Sport Relief Mile. I was planning to do a Sport Relief Mile in 2004 but the paranoid chap next door was visibly distressed by my training. Of course, with my disability I may not be able to run a mile, but I could always jog or – if the rules permit – walk a mile. I am so looking forward to moving away from this so-called "town".